He uses pillows to masturbate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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