I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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