First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize