apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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