how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
