Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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