Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
