You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
