I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
