but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Randomize
