I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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