I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
