Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Only a mothe r could love this liver
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
