She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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