I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
