He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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