He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
