I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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