does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
