i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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