there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Randomize
