there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
