oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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