Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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