There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
