worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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