Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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