I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
