I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
