At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
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GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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