nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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