i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
