Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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