I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I have vodka in my lungs
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize