You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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