I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
