you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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