I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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