i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
