You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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