Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he told me I talked like a deaf person
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
