what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
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