It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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