I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
