She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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