Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
