I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
nutella sex= disaster
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
