No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
