Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
