I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
