Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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