My hand turned me down
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my poor anus
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
