There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
