im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
