If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
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