This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
