Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
