My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
and i looked up. we had an audience...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
