I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
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