Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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