You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
