it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
