Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
