i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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