It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
