need another drink. this is the easiest way
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
