Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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