Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
