Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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