Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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