he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
