last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
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Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
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Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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