My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
