If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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