this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
