So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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