his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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